I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
