We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
