HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
