I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
