I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
