I wish I only lived at night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
