If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
