I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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