any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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