He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
