I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
