I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
