Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize