I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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