Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
