You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
