oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
