yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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