Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
