apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
