Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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