Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
