God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
