I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
