I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
