He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
