I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
