I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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