I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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