why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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