she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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