Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
