1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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