Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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