I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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