If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
