Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And then my night got REAL pukey
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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