it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
