i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
