stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
