You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
