; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
