Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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