Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You've changed since you got that strap on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
