I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
