he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
