i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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