i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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