I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
