We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
