If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
