it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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