i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
