I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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