Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
