i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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