If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
