Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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