I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
