Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize