a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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