im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
