Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
