Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
