yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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