I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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