i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
