i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We need to rekindle our bromance
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
