Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
